94 years of wisdom | Nerd Fitness

Last week, I went to Massachusetts to visit my 94-year-old grandmother in the hospital.

I will tell you about this amazing woman.

Our granddaughter Barbara, Auntie B or Gramma, was born in 1930 to the first generation of Newfoundland.

(No wonder I love music ,Alan Doyle, (and ,Great Great Sea,), it’s in my DNA!)

Gramma was a preschool teacher for 22 years and has been an active member of her community her entire life. She was a tremendous quilter and helped launch multiple quilting initiatives over the years. She volunteered at the Council on Aging. He also often drove to Meals on Wheels, “giving meals to the elderly” (as he called it), and lived to be 80 years old!

On visits to Massachusetts, I would drop by Gramma’s for an afternoon, usually looking at my phone, often distracted by an important work thought occupying my mind. I think my whole life I knew, I just had this thought, “Gramma’s always been here, and Gramma’s always going to be here.”

Fortunately, I came across an ancient Japanese concept that helped me recognize and correct this pattern. It has made all my recent visits with Gramma completely different.

Ichi-go Ichi-e A once in a lifetime opportunity

There is a concept called ichi-go ichi-e that comes from Japanese tea ceremonies in the 1600s:

It translates as: “a time, a meeting”.

Time reminds us to treasure and embrace each unrepeatable moment. No matter how often we do something or see someone, that’s it alone the time it will actually happen thus, in the year at this time

This concept reminds us to be more present.

• Instead of looking at our phones, we can focus on the person or task in front of us.
• Instead of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we can be here now.
• Instead of going through the motions, we can be a little more deliberate with our behavior.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Japanese Zen philosophy in recent years (,see my essay on Wabi-Sabi,), and that ichi-go ichi-e concept also stuck with me.

Which brings me to visit Gramma this summer.

I stopped worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, put my phone down and sat with her.

I treated each visit as if it were alone the time I would get to have that interaction.

I asked him questions about his childhood. I learned that he spent some summers living in a tent without running water or electricity while his father built with his own two hands. And how much he he loved

He told me about his teenage years, Including the time he ran out of the house and got caught, and had to sit at the foot of his parents’ bed until sunrise.

I learned more about my grandfather. She also shared pictures of her wedding that I had never seen before:

He even found some pictures of me and him at one point!

This was my favorite:

I returned to Nashville last month, not knowing when (or) I would see her again.

It still felt different. I connected with Gramma more deeply in a few visits than I probably had in the last 10 years together.

Which brings me to this last week in the hospital.

Gram’s community

Last week, my brother and I went to visit Gramma in the hospital every day.

And every day, the revolving door of guests appeared to check on him:

His nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mom (who just had surgery!). His grandchildren His best friend’s son. His friend Anne. Friends of the Council on Aging. Fellow quilters. People from his church.

At one point, there were 10 of us visiting at the same time, and it became a complete party.

I was in awe of this woman and how many lives she has impacted.

If there’s one clear sign of a life well lived, it’s being surrounded by people who love you. Gramma has been selfless throughout her life, and I was amazed and inspired by how many people dropped everything to spend time with her, sharing stories and keeping her company.

Despite the circumstances, he still has a great sense of humor:

When he opened his eyes and saw me, he smiled and said, “I remembered another story!” Then she told me about the time she “borrowed” a car, even though she didn’t have a license yet, to drive around the streets of Boston after her boyfriend.

While on the phone with his 94-year-old brother-in-law, he asked, “how are you, old man?”

When the doctor asked “are you feeling better today?” “Better than WHAT!” he answered

Spending time with Gramma and all the people from different parts of her life was the best possible use of my time. I am in love with the community he has around him, and I am constantly moved to tears by the love so many people have for him.

This point was driven home by my grandmother’s hospital “resident”…

Live on purpose

The hospital where my grandmother is staying is next to Walden Pond, the pond made famous by Henry David Thoreau in his book. ,Walden,.

One day, after visiting Gramma, I took a leisurely walk around its perimeter, watching the sunlight coming through the trees.

(The Japanese also have a word for it, it’s called “komorebi”).

Then I read the poster with Thoreau’s most famous thought:

“I went to the forest because I wanted to live on purpose, to face only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and no, when I came to die, I would discover that I would not live. “.

Thoreau retreated into solitude to discover what was most important to him.

Gramma went in the other direction, prioritizing what was most important to her: family, friends and community.

Two different scenarios, same end result:

Choosing to live intentionally.

I have no intention of moving into the woods and living sober, but I think I’ve done my best these past few years to live more deliberately.

Specifically, re-prioritizing what’s most important to me too: friends, family and community.

All we have to decide…

A few years ago, Gramma gave my brother, sister and I three of her favorite handmade quilts.

“I would give these to my grandchildren after my death, but now I want to give them to you so that we can enjoy this moment together.”

She took the time to explain the meaning behind each quilt and why they were chosen for each of us. I am so thankful that I did this instead of waiting to hear about these beautiful quilts after they died.

When I visited Gramma this summer, I realized she had printed my essay ,about my grandfather, her husband, who died,. I hoped to make Grampy proud, but I realized I should never have told him how much I learned from him before he died.

That’s why I’m writing this essay now to make sure he knows how much he taught me. I am very proud of my Grammar and grateful to have had the opportunity to study with him for 40 years (and counting).

(I got a text from my dad yesterday at the hospital to let him know that he read this sketch to him and that he really liked it. Mission accomplished!)

I certainly hope Gramma gets better and comes home. After all, she told her friend Laurie, “I’m not done yet!”

But I also know that it is not up to us to decide.

As Gandalf tells Frodo The Fellowship of the Ring:

“What we have to decide is what to do with the time we are given.”

I hope my Gramma and Thoreau inspire me to live more intentionally:

• If you’re ready to put down your phone and be with the people right in front of you, life can feel so much richer.
• If you’re willing to prioritize what’s really important instead of things trying to steal your attention, you’ll never go wrong with the choices you make.
• If you find a way to focus on the important people in your lifethey will still be part of it when you are 94.

And finally, remember, no matter what you do today, this is your only time this the moment will happen.

Act accordingly.

-Steve

PS: If you want a thought-provoking film about presence and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I recommend Wim Wenders. ,Perfect Days,.