This parenting mistake raises mentally weak children

Sometimes you need to let children figure out how to solve problems or suffer the consequences of their decisions on their own.

So says psychiatrist and best-selling author Daniel Amen. Too often parents make the mistake of “overdoing it” with their children, resulting in “mentally weak children,” Amen. said the “Built Different” podcast, in an episode that aired Tuesday.

Such behaviors, like doing your child’s class project yourself to help him get a better grade, or giving him what he wants solely to stop a tantrum, limit children’s mental resilience and sense of independence, Amen said. And highly resilient children are more likely to become happy, successful adultsas research shows.

“When my daughter forgot her homework at home, no one took her to school. If she didn’t bring a jacket on a cold day, even if her mother told her to, no one brought it to her,” Amen said. “It’s very important that when a child says ‘I’m bored,’ instead of you (fixing it), you just say ‘I wonder what you’re going to do about it.'”

“If you do too much for your children, you are increasing your self-esteem by stealing theirs,” he added. “(Human beings) develop mental toughness by solving problems.”

Develop a child’s mental resilience does not require a “tough love” parenting approach of harsh punishments, Barnard College child psychologist Tovah Klein told CNBC Make It last year. Trying to protect children from disappointment won’t help them develop resilience either, Klein said.

Instead, you can allow your children to experience setbacks, mistakes, and other difficult moments, while also letting them know that you still support and love them.

“I see it as a more empathetic and connected (approach). ‘This may be difficult, and I’ll be here when you’re done,'” Klein said, adding: “It’s a message of, ‘I trust you to get through this difficult situation and I’ll be here.'” “I’m here no matter how it goes, whether you win, lose or find yourself in the middle, I’m here to help you.”

Similarly, the more you encourage children to help the people around them (from daily chores at home to their friends and classmates at school), the more they will gain the empowerment and responsibility they need to confidently cope. their own challenges, says the American Psychological Association. noted in a blog post from 2012.

“Allow them to start discovering their problems, or the solutions to their problems, instead of getting too involved in them,” Amen said.

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