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According to Robert Scucci
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We’re almost two weeks into the new year, and that’s the time when most sane people start to crumble under the pressure of their resolutions. As you drive past Planet Fitness—the Hotel California with a gym membership because you’re not allowed to leave—and stop at the nearest Dunkin’ drive-thru to maximize your daily caloric intake before 9 a.m., you might want to consider tracking. Attack of the Killer Donuts how do you get to the weekend to freak out.
Most health experts say that donuts (henceforth stylized as “doughnuts”) are terrible for your health and Attack of the Killer Donuts is a cautionary tale about how delectable treats will most likely be the death of you if you don’t keep your consumption in check.
Move Over, Killer Tomatoes!
Attack of the Killer Donuts is a modern homage to B-movie drive-in features in the sense that your enjoyment will depend largely on how many roadside sodas you’ve been able to sneak past the flashlight-wielding usher in the trunk or glove compartment while looking for a parking space. . The film’s main antagonist is a bunch of killer donuts whose goal is to attack as many people as possible, sparing its audience no ambiguity.
Bouncing around like a swarm of violent tennis balls spawned from yeast, killer donuts show no mercy after being unwittingly revived by a mad scientist whose mission in life is to bring the dead back to life.
Vulgar depiction of flour
You can’t just have donuts randomly killing people without having some sort of story behind their pastry massacre because that would be stupid so Attack of the Killer Donuts shamelessly trying to establish some semblance of a narrative.
We are first introduced to Johnny Wentworth (Justin Ray), a young slacker who lives with his mother and works at Dandy Donuts. Johnny is in love and in a very one-sided relationship with Veronica (Lauren Elise), who follows him around and mostly just uses him for money. Johnny’s mother Emma (Kassandra Voyagis) tries to talk him into considering his co-worker and childhood friend Michelle (Kayla Compton) as a romantic interest, as they have a rock-solid friendship that should be taken to the next level either way.
Oh yeah, and in Johnny’s basement lives his mad scientist uncle Luther (Michael Swan), who spends all his time injecting a mysterious serum into dead rats, trying to perfect his reanimation serum so he can win the Nobel Prize. Luther should not be considered an adversary Attack of the Killer Donuts because he means well, but every act of pastry pounding in this movie is a direct result of his carelessness despite his good intentions.
Donut Rebellion
Johnny steals his laptop back from Uncle Luther’s lab before going on his shift at Dandy Donuts. Johnny and Michelle spend most of their shift offering free donuts to their regulars after a fight breaks out in the store, much to the displeasure of their incompetent and penniless boss Cliff (Chris De Christopher). At this point in Attack of the Killer Donutsheaps of free products haven’t gone viral (or packaged) yet, but the important thing is that there are dozens of potentially violent donuts in circulation.
Luther shows up at Dandy Donuts to get a laptop and gets into a scuffle with Cliff, who had previously banned him from the store for his eccentric behavior. During the altercation, Luther’s serum flies out of his shirt pocket and into the deep fryer, where the rest Attack of the Killer Donuts in motion.
The donuts grow fangs and secrete a poisonous green goo that infects their victims, and all hell breaks loose at Dandy Donuts before the sentient sweets are unleashed and terrorize the town.
Not fully aware of the gravity of the situation, it is up to Johnny and Michelle to inform the public and learn the full extent of Uncle Luther’s research so they can develop an antiserum and save the day.
A violently hilarious bloodbath
Attack of the Killer Donuts it has all the right ingredients for an effectively confident, low-budget B-movie. Its violence is so over the top that you can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous the titular antagonists look as they pounce and feast on their subjects. Sure, Officer Rogers (C. Thomas Howell) has access to firearms, but he’s hopeless in his defense against killer donuts because there just aren’t enough bullets in the world to alleviate the problem, especially after being blinded by a jelly blast.
To enjoy it to the fullest Attack of the Killer Donuts, you have to go into your viewing experience knowing that this creature feature he doesn’t take himself seriously at all. It’s schlocky in design and the effects are intentionally bad to drive the point home. But if you need motivation to stick to your New Year’s resolutions, I can’t think of anything more effective than watching your favorite fried treats go on a murderous rampage, sparing no life in their path.
As of this writing, you can stream Attack of the Killer Donuts free on Tubing, Peacock, Crackling, Plexand Amazon Prime Video.
