Limits: The Cure for Burnout?

It’s been a while since I felt that uncomfortable.

Last week I had an empty afternoon and saw it Do not speak evil (,trailer here,), a horror/suspense film about a family visiting another couple they met on vacation.

And surprisinglythings do not turn out as expected.

If you saw ,“Dinner” section the office, where Jim and Pam go to Michael and Jane’s house The most awkward house party ever, and he thought to himself…

“What if this was a 2 hour horror movie?”

…that’s basically the plot Do not speak evil.

This movie is based on a 2022 European movie of the same name, so of course I had to see that as well. And boy, that version was even more gritty and emotional.

This movie has great commentary on relationships, masculinity, and even parenting…

But here’s why Speak No Evil made me so uncomfortable:

This movie asks, “How far are we willing to go to keep the peace and not hurt anyone’s feelings?”

I always joke ,the extent to which people like to avoid conflict, I am, and that means this movie shook me to my core:

Which brings me to the point of today’s newsletter!

Guilt and overcommitment

My father was raised Episcopalian (a form of Christianity), while my mother was raised Catholic. My mother always joked that the Episcopalian faith was “like Catholicism, but without the guilt!”

So we went to Episcopalian church as kids.

And yet, I succeeded all catholic guilt!

I will stoop to keep the peace. I will do my best not to offend. I will overcommit, put myself in really frustrating situations, simply because I don’t know how to set healthy boundaries.

Long story short, I would NOT do well Do not speak evil.

I thought this was just me being nice, but I realized there was something different.

I was being disrespectful to myself and my well-being!

Over the years, I have learned to set and enforce healthier boundaries. Not just to protect myself from others, but to protect myself…from myself.

I think there are quite a few people reading this newsletter, nice people too, who are struggling with burnout and feeling over-committed right now.

If you are, I have a truth that is hard to hear.

The solution to burnout is not a yoga retreat

When we feel burned out, overworked, and overwhelmed, we believe the solution lies in a very specific form of self-care:

• Escape: We just need a massage or a “digital detox” or retreat.
• Achievement: We have to work harder in the gym!
• Optimization: If only we had a more optimized schedule!

The problem is that all these solutions treat the symptom, not the root cause.

As noted in Anne-Helen Peterson ,Can’t even,:

“You don’t heal the burn by going on vacation. You don’t solve it through “life hacks,” inbox zeros, or using a meditation app for five minutes in the morning, or preparing Sunday meals for the whole family, or starting a bullet journal. You don’t fix it by reading a “get rid of yourself” book.

You don’t fix it on vacation, or with an adult coloring book, or “anxiety baking,” or the Pomodoro Technique, or overnight oats.”

As I share in my essay ,self-care issues,the solution isn’t found in a yoga studio or a deserted beach, or in a journal or meditation app.

The solution requires us to have an uncomfortable conversation with ourselves.

First, we need to put on our own oxygen mask before we can help others.

Limits protect against Burnout

Those of us who like ourselves spend most of our time keeping the peace and meeting everyone else’s needs, rarely considering our own.

This is usually how we find ourselves overcommitted, unable to do the things we want/need to do, and potentially feeling resentful that we take our generosity for granted.

The problem?

It is nobody’s responsibility to set our boundaries.

It is up to us to implement, explain and protect them.

This is where boundaries come into play.

Boundaries are healthy because they allow us to truly consider ourselves ours needs too Something I had never considered in a long time. I bet there are a lot of amazing moms and dads on this newsletter list who also haven’t considered their own needs. long the time

This doesn’t mean that we have to suddenly become “I AM THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS”, but it does mean that we need to address the fact that our feelings and needs are valid, and that we need to take care of ourselves. We will also take care of others.

As stated by Dr. Lakshmin ,Real Self Care,:

“To practice true self-care, you have to be willing to make yourself vulnerable, whether that means having uncomfortable conversations about setting boundaries or making a clear and intentional choice to prioritize one aspect of your life over another.”

Here is the challenge of the day:

Say NO to something you are saying YES to out of obligation or guilt.

Set that limit for your own well-being and mental health.

Yes, this will require you to trust those around you, and maybe *GASP* even let someone down!

Especially if you’re used to saying yes to everything all the time.

I promise you, their reaction is not your responsibility to manage.

One last reminder I had to internalize: “No” is a complete sentence.

We can’t travel through time, which means the only solution to burnout is to put less stuff on our plate.

This requires us to develop boundaries to protect ourselves… from ourselves.

I’d love to hear what limit you set, so hit reply and let me know!

-Steve

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The mail Limits: The Cure for Burnout? appeared for the first time Nerd Fitness.

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