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The phrase “direct to video” is usually associated with low-budget projects that could not secure a wide theatrical release. More often than not, this is the right logic to follow. However, there is one film from 1996 that defies all logic Theodore Rex – a $33.5 million buddy cop sci-fi movie starring Whoopi Goldberg and the film’s anthropomorphic dinosaur of the same name, played over-enthusiastically by George Newbern (Father of the bride).
While I’m normally a big fan of titles that are “so bad they’re good” Theodore Rex is one of those movies that will have me until I’m on my death bed. Moreover, I feel that New Line Cinema is aware of this fact, which is why you won’t find this movie on any streaming platform at the time of writing.
Futuristic Dino Detectives?
Theodore Rex don’t waste time insulting your intelligence with a Star Wars-style exposure scroll at the front of the movie that tells you everything you need to know:
There’s a clumsy but lovable dinosaur named Theodore Rex who wants to be a detective, a disgraced and tough futuristic cop named Katie Coltrane (Whoopie Goldberg) who is tasked with solving a murder case with said dinosaur against her will. to have her badge recovered and a dead dinosaur crime scene that leads to a big plot about an evil billionaire named Elizar Kane (Armin Mueller-Stahl) who wants to use fish DNA to start a new ice age for … reasons.
Confusing character design
The most frustrating part about Theodore Rex is his character design. I’ll be the first to admit that walking and talking dinosaur puppets look great for a carefree mid-90s whatever the hell movie it is, but their personalities make absolutely no sense and seem like they were created for the sole purpose of getting the audience to was laughing at the screen saying “haha that’s so random!”
For example, Theodore Rex has an automatic cookie launcher in his decorated loft apartment when he wants a snack. Let’s unpack this for a moment, because our dino-detective hero is low on the totem pole in his public relations career and just he aspires to be a police officer in the first act.
How can Theodore Rex afford this lifestyle and why does he like cookies so much?
What does he do in addition to having in an apartment so massive that i Frasier That Crane would be jealous of his living situation? Was the cookie shooter custom made? At least we know his massive van was bought with taxpayer money, but I have no good reason to believe Theodore Rex has “cookie shooter money” lying around by any stretch of the imagination.
Also Theodore, as well as the rest of the dinosaurs who were integrated into society after they were created by a villain have all decided they no longer want to be carnivores, for reasons that have not been fully explained. If I were to venture a guess, this quirk was only created to make the dinosaurs in this universe a little more quirky.
Whoopi Goldberg didn’t want to be there
During an interview with Folha de S. Paulo in 2015 Whoopi Goldberg she didn’t mince words when she said she didn’t want to play Theodore Rex. Producer Richard Gilbert Abramson actually filed a $20 million lawsuit against Goldberg when she tried to back out of producing the film after allegedly making a verbal agreement in 1992 to cast Katie Coltrane. forward with the project, but her disdain is evident in every single frame.
There isn’t a single point Theodore Rex which isn’t accompanied by a look of concern on Goldberg’s face, as if to say, “I can’t believe I’m saying these words out loud.” It’s also not revealed until the third act that Katie Coltrane is part cyborg, which doesn’t help the plot in any way, except for the fact that it explains why she walks around so unenthusiastically – like a drugged cat following a laser pointer – most of the time. movie. Part of me wonders if this revelation was added to the script just to explain the mindlessness of Goldberg’s moves and line delivery.
Whoopi Goldberg was paid $7 million for the lead role Theodore Rex.
It’s fine if you want to pass it on
Theodore Rex it’s not available for streaming anywhere, which is probably for humanity’s benefit. Humanity is overstimulated by endless technological innovation, numerous wars, economic distress, famine, corruption, advertising, get-rich-quick schemes, and a sense of a political abyss that is likely to get worse before things ever get better. For most people, they sit and watch Theodore Rex as a means of escaping the horrors of modern life may be the very thing that pushes them over the edge.
As I bemoaned the 92 minutes of my time I had devoted to it Theodore Rexnot all hope is lost. I’ve seen this movie so you don’t have to. But if you’re a glutton for punishment, you’ll probably find every copy of this movie at the bottom of a decades-old tar pit where it belongs.
